I am asking you as Pastor's Wives if this is a section you think is worth keeping and would you be willing to contribute to it, both with questions and answers? Just use the contact page to give your input. Everything is updated and current. By the way I live in Oklahoma, so we're on Central Time. I'm in and out of the office, because we have a part time staff. So if you call, be sure you leave a message on the answering machine. I'll be faithful to get back to you asap. I have a question for any of you to respond to. I have had several PW's whose husbands have cheated on them and they found out about it. Two or three have had situations where the church found out about it. What advice would you give these hurting women?

This letter comes from a former pastor's wife, whom I have known for over 20 years.  I ministered in their church before they divorced.  She was married to a pastor who was unfaithful to her.  Here is her input on the last couple of letters we've had.  Her name is Janet. Letter to Pastor's Wives:    Romans 8:18 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."    When I met my husband, he was in Bible school.  We met through mutual friends.  I had been believing the Lord for a husband.  I just knew that he was the right one.  We were married for 10 years and 3 beautiful daughters.  We patored 2 churches, 1 in North Carolina and the other in Ohio.     I was very passive in my personality and afraid to stand up for myself.  I was also pretty naive to things.  Fear will keep you from making the right decisions.  I was not secure in who I was nor my relationship with the Lord even though I thought I was.  It turned out that my husband wasn't very secure in himself either.  He was determined to put "the ministry" before me along with his "secret sings>"     I spent most of the time yearning for his attention and affection.  He was very abusive in everyway.  I was too afraid to say anything except to some deacons and their wives, which by the way is not a good idea!    He shone like a star in front of everyone while AI was in a lot of agonizing emotional pain.  There were a few of the affairs that were exposed.  We went through marriage counseling, but it did not help because he just wasn't willing to change.     There's much more I could tell, but to truly be able to minister to others, you have to be healed yourself or at least on the way to being healed.  Tru ministry comes out of being broken and then healed.  This comes from yielding ourselves completely to the Lord and His work in us.    I have been single now for 18 years.  It has been very difficult at times, but the Lord has used everything that Satan has meant for evil and turned it to good.  I can now reach out to others who are hurting, especially women and be able more confidently and effectively minister His healing balm to their hearts and emotions.  To God Be the Glory!

QUESTION: One friend of mine wrote this question and answer for me: QUESTION: HOW AM I GOING TO HANDLE CRITICISM? HER ANSWER: Well, it will come. You will handle it with LOVE. You need to ground yourself in LOVE. Get the scriptures on love built into your spirit...spend time reading on LOVE and meditating on LOVE. You can walk in love with feelings of anger raging in your soulish man. Yes, their words and actions will hurt, but love will rise up bigger in you if you cultivate love in you. You need to start now with the little things, because you will need love to be able to succeed. Love will not fail. People's accusations will fail in the face of God's love. As you build your life on the rock-God's Word-the storms of criticism will come and blow vehemently against your house, but you will not fall or fail...the storm will come to an end and you will be left thanding on God's Word of Love. Samantha's Comments: Boy! Isn't that the truth! Criticism does come. In many ways and often from unexpected sources. The one thing that must remain constant in our lives is the love walk. My friend mentioned the battle that rages between the soul and the spirit. Your mind (being the soul) will try to go crazy. You want to kill 'em all and tell God they died! I certainly did. Thank God I didn't. One of the biggest things that helped me was the scripture that says to bless them that curse you and pray for those that despitefully use you. (Luke 6:28) Every time I found myself wanting to do bodily damage to someone (maybe not that drastic), you know what I mean, I would pray for those who had wronged me. I didn't pray "GOD! GET 'EM!" I prayed for God to bless them and cause them to prosper and be blessed. My mind would yell, "They don't deserve to be blessed and prosper. They deserve to be sent to the pit of hell and NEVER come back! My HEART would say, "Bless them that curse you and pray for those that despitefully use you." Very quietly, very patiently, teaching me to love and not curse. After a while it became automatic to pray for them. Then there came the day that my feelings caught up with my praying and I really truly wanted them blessed. I felt bad for them; because they were hurting. Hurting people hurt people. Then I really prayed for them; that whatever was causing them to act ungodly would be seen and they could deal with it and change. One of the things that helped me was to understand that Love was a DECISION.....not a feeling.  In many of those cases I was waiting to FEEL something...but it doesn't come like that.  You choose and the feeling catches up somewhere along the way.  It's the same with forgiving.  We are to forgive....not bases on how we feel, but on our DECISION.  We choose...we decide...this day I have chosen to forgive so and so, I have chosen to love.  I'm not basing it on my feelings.  After all, feelings come & go.  Aren't there times when you wake up and your husband says or does something that just catches you wrong and you are definitely angry with him.  Then later he does or says something that just makes you all ooey gooey inside.  One minute you want to hurt him the next you want to hug him.  Feelings come and go.  When we choose to forgive, when we choose to love, we can make that decision based on the quality of person we are, not based on how we feel; so that when "feelings" come, we can tell them..."NO!  I have chosen to forgive, I have chosen to love".   Sooner or later the feelings come but we have to stand our ground in the midst of the battle of "emotions". Love ALWAYS thinks the best, always ready to forgive, hardly even notices when a wrong is done to it. I love to read 1 Cor. 13:4-7 in a lot of different translations. It helps me stay on target. Again ladies. this is an inexhaustible subject. I'm sure many of you have stories and solutions. Lets have some input. Love Samantha